Alright. This blog is going to be more about I'm
sorry than anything else. It is more of an attempt for me to work though
some things of my own and you all just get to read it so...enjoy.
I tend to have a problem with saying I'm
sorry. It is not that I don't apologize rather that I do it too much,
often for things that are not my fault and I have no control over. I
apologize for the weather, for disappointing, for something not working
or for feelings. I think I do this because all I really want is for the
other person in the relationship to be happy. This is true in all of my
relationships not just my romantic ones. I have this desire for
goodness, happiness and peace. I feel like if I cannot grant that to
someone then I am failing that person. It is weird and slightly twisted
but hey that's what makes me fun right? One of the hardest things for me
to deal with is the future because there is no way for me to understand
it, control it or fix it; I don't like it. If a significant other and I
have a disagreement I will compromise my beliefs, agree and apologize
to make that person happy.
I am done with that. I am my own person and
it is time I start standing up for myself. Prepare yourself world...I'm
on my way. I think that this desire to please is also emphasized when a
person in a relationship makes it know that they are less than pleased
when things do not go their way. For example: When I was with Jason he
wanted me to buy something and it was ridicules and totally out of my
budget. Because I said no he went about the rest of the day pouting and
telling me how little I cared for him because I would not buy it.
Finally I ended up giving up a great deal to afford the item to make him
see that I did care. It was then that I realized I was being used,
whether or not he was meaning to use me I don't know but I felt like
nothing more than a meal ticket. Girls, Guys, Flying Sources I don't
care who or what you are, if you are ever left by your significant other
feeling empty, dirty, worthless or used it is time to let go and move
on. Anyone who loves you and is worth your time will only build you up
and encourage you- if they only have you around to belittle you and make
themselves a bigger person please please please know that you are worth
so much more. I don't know you but I do know that you are a beautiful
person and that there is someone in the world for you and it may not be
easy but sometimes we have to be patient and wait because that one
person will be worth it and so much more. Love is not easy- it is work
but it is worth it because love is not something you can make rather you
fall into it and it makes you. When you love someone; truly love them
you should want the best and happiness for them regardless what that
means for you. Love is selfless and that is why it is so fantastic.
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