A Past of Cheating

Hello dear friends. Alright so let’s jump in eh?

            Talking about the Past:

Whether it be just talking about what you did as a child or about a failed relationship to revealing secrets of long ago times of which you may not be so proud it is important to be open and honest with your partner. We may not mean to do it but we do sometimes judge and compare people because of their pasts. For example...there are times when it is appropriate to discuss your ex, if your partner asks, if you see them, or if your partner is doing something like them. Do not compare your partner to your ex. There are times when it is never OK to bring up an ex, when meeting your partner's family or friends, when having sex or in the middle of a fight. When you are talking about your childhood or past fun experiences make sure to be clear to your partner that you look forward to sharing with them and/or creating new memories with them; it is endearing. The skeletons of the past can be the most difficult to bring up in a relationship... they sometimes can mean the end of a relationship but others can mean a stronger bond. If your partner is at harm by not knowing you need to tell them, i.e.: an STD or stalker...etc. If you are at harm by not telling them, i.e.: stalker, illness, family situation... etc. If you feel that neither person will be harmed by not knowing then it is up to you and your conscious to be a guide. Some of the most commonly kept secrets in a relationship are past sexual encounters, rape, past sexual partners, criminal convictions or accusations, past marriages/ relationships and past short comings. It is easy to see why you would only want your partner to see the perfect, successful you but if they really care about you they will accept and work with you to overcome your past.

            Cheating:

What is it? How do you avoid it? Once it happens what is next? Forgiveness? The great questions the surround cheating and all of its taboos. Webster’s defines cheating as “to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud or to violate rules dishonestly or to be sexually unfaithful”. Seems pretty basic and forward but where does the line go from friendly to flirty to cheating. Personally if you care deeply for someone then you are not going to cheat on them and you will know when it feels like you are creeping into the cheating area. Honestly cheating is a very gray area in most relationships and it is important for you as a couple to discuss what you define cheating as. Is it just sleeping with someone other than your partner or does it extend into flirting with others as well. Personally if it is not something you would do in front of your mother, your partner or share with your partner over coffee its probably not a good idea. Pet names, winks, small flirts are all harmless as long as the intent is friendly and nothing more. Once one partner or both have cheated in a relationship it is up to the couple to talk it out and work through it. Forgiveness cannot be earned only granted. If a partner believes that the other must work for forgiveness it is not true forgiveness and may come with strings. Proceed with caution. Once forgiven it is important to rebuild trust, this will not happen overnight and must be worked at continuously, communication is key.

Angie out.